I'd carry the weight of missing you

I am not afraid of healing. I am afraid that healing means erasing you. I'd carry the weight of missing you than live like you never mattered.

Maybe that’s the part people don’t understand.

They tell you that healing means letting go.

Moving on.

Leaving the past where it belongs.

And maybe they’re right in some ways.

But I never understood why healing has to mean pretending.

Pretending I didn’t care.

Pretending you weren’t important.

Pretending those moments meant nothing just because they didn’t last forever.

I don’t want to do that.

I don’t want to wake up one morning and realize that I’ve become so good at moving on that I can no longer remember what it felt like to love you.

Because whatever happened between us, whatever changed, whatever distance came between us…

You mattered.

And I don't want healing to rewrite that truth.

I want to heal from the pain, not from the memories.

There’s a difference.

I want to reach a place where thinking about you doesn’t break something inside me.

Where I can remember your voice without wondering why I can’t hear it anymore.

Where a familiar song can remind me of you without ruining my entire day.

Where I can smile at the memories instead of desperately trying to bury them.

Maybe that is what healing actually looks like.

Not forgetting.

Not erasing.

Just learning how to carry something precious without allowing its absence to destroy you.

Because some people leave your life but don't leave your story.

They become a chapter you don't read every day anymore, but you never tear the pages out.

And maybe you'll always be somewhere in mine.

Not as a wound.

Not as a regret.

Not as someone I am waiting helplessly for.

Just as someone who once made my world feel different.

Someone who made me dream a little bigger.

Someone whose presence changed something in me that cannot simply be undone by time.

And if one day I stop missing you the way I miss you now, I hope I don't mistake that peace for forgetting.

I hope I understand that the love was real even after the longing became quiet.

Because I don't need to keep hurting to prove that you mattered.

And I don't need to forget you to prove that I've healed.

Maybe someday I'll think of you and feel nothing heavy at all.

Just warmth.

A small smile.

A quiet I’m glad I got to know you.

And maybe that will be enough.

Until then, I'll keep learning how to live with the distance between what was and what is.

I'll keep becoming someone I'm proud of.

I'll keep walking forward.

But I won't erase the footprints behind me just because I'm no longer walking in that direction.

Some people are not meant to be forgotten.

They're meant to be remembered differently.

And if healing eventually means I can remember you without needing you…

then maybe that isn't erasing you after all.

Maybe that's the gentlest way of keeping you.

May be it's your beautiful eyes that makes me see beauty in everything I see.

Dear Xappa,

Whenever I look at your photographs I forgot what can define beauty. Maybe it's your long curling hair, may be the pair of Earth brown eyes that can create volcanoes in my body, may be it's your smile that lights up my whole world may be it's your sweet voice that can make me feel I am the most beautiful person. May be it's you that defines beauty. And it's you that makes everything beautiful in my life.

At last I got enough time and courage to write about you at last after missing you uncountable times in last two months. There would happen rarely a day without not missing you. Currently I am traveling in bus from my village to Delhi and I wanted to let this natural wind know my feelings which you are also breathing in so it will definitely gonna reach your heart, you will sson feel something in your heart. I know I won't be getting to know about it back but I know this much that you surely gonna feel something in your heart. Last two months have been very stressful for me. On April 29 I helped my family in my sister's wedding and I landed some money nearby 2.5 lakhs which would be around 2612$ which I nearly payed my 90000 rupees (940$)are still stuck in my previous hospital he is saying he will clear in upcoming week.

I bought a Pulsar NS200 bike which I am using to come to my hospital and when I start my bike I put on earphones Play my YouTube saved playlist saved with name my soulmate or drive me off and keep thinking about you. The management of hospital is not as what I thought would be, now I am just planning to start my own medicine and farming business. I didn't got married yet and I don't want to but yeah my parents are now searching for a good girl. Sometimes not sometimes but many times I feel like you married too soon and your married life is not going like you planned your married life would be. I don't know why I feel this but I whenever I miss you beyond my control I came to know that you are missing me because it used to happen with me when we were together and there is still so much left in us that somehow I got to know you are missing me and you got know I am missing you. If you ask yourself how much you thought about me in these last two months you gonna have the answer. In this Bus road is smooth as this is Agra Noida Yamuna expressway Highway and both side there is so much greenery. In my house I have planted Aparajita plant in english if you search for butterfly pea or blue pigeonwings you gonna identify it as it is widely famous with blue tea plant because it has blue flowers which are boiled in water and water is turned blue it just like a green it but green tea is out of trend now a days blue tea is in trend. There is hibiscus 🌺 plant and oleander plant also which is used by humming Bird to build there nest. They were bringing plant leaves and I closely watched them building there nest they were two birds I think they both were couples. My parents were having viral cold Flu and I gave them medicine. My sister came home for 5 days as on 28th Aug it's s festival of brother and sister called Rakshabandhan on this day sister tie a thread on brother's wrist for their safety and brother's use to give them a gift. I will write soon again for now I think it's enough.

I will keep you as my favourite incomplete wish.

My Favourite Incomplete Wish

I think I've finally found a place for you.

Not in my future. Not in my regrets.

Not even in the part of my heart that still hurts.

I'll keep you as my favourite incomplete wish.

There was a time when I wanted to rewrite the ending. I thought if life gave us a little more time, a little more courage, a little less fear, perhaps we'd have become the story we imagined.

But life rarely asks what we would've chosen. It simply keeps moving.

And somewhere along the way, I realized something beautiful. Not everything that changes your life is meant to stay in it.

Some people don't arrive to belong to you forever. They arrive to introduce you to a version of yourself you had never met before.

You were never fully mine to hold forever. Never a promise I could claim. Maybe that's why the memories remained untouched by ordinary life. They never had the chance to become routine. They never grew old enough to lose their wonder. Maybe that's why they stayed beautiful.

People often think an incomplete story is automatically a sad one. I don't.

Some stories end before they are exhausted. Before resentment replaces admiration. Before love becomes obligation.

Some stories stop while they're still beautiful. And maybe that's a different kind of blessing.

So I won't carry you as a wound, Wounds ask to be healed.

I won't carry you as a regret, Regrets keep asking, "What if?"

I'll carry you as gratitude. As the quiet proof that, once in my life, my heart found someone it recognized without needing an explanation.

You taught me that I could love deeply. You taught me that distance doesn't always erase affection. And you taught me that not every beautiful thing is meant to be possessed. Some things are simply meant to be experienced.

So if anyone ever asks me about the wishes that never came true, I won't lower my eyes.

I'll smile. Because my favourite one had your name.

And somehow... Even without becoming mine,

you were one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to me.