The feeling of emptiness

You're sitting alone in a theatre, suffering from the excess of your own solitude. You're tired of being alone and you're tired of pretending that you're capable of feeling happy with other people. You don't care what film is playing on the screen, for you came here to be away from everyone and yet when you feel the weight of your coffee cup being reduced with each warm sip you take, you realize how empty you've become in the past few years. 

You look back at the screen to distract yourself from overthinking by consuming series of overwhelmingly mind-numbing action sequences of an utterly stupid meaningless film. But you forget how vulnerable you've become in the last few years and suddenly you see a scene where the protagonist kisses the heroine's forehead during an unnecessary dance sequence and it triggers fuck out of you !

The way he kisses her forehead, it makes you feel so cold and alone and small in that theatre because you remember...she used to kiss your forehead exactly like that.

"And in that moment, you want to pretend that you didn't feel anything, but you have been alone for so long that you can't gaslight yourself anymore."

You miss her. That's it. That's your entire reality and you can't run away from it no matter how many films you watch in empty dark theatres.

Ah ! How stupid were you when you thought that there was a difference between feeling alone and feeling lonely. If only you knew how much capable you are of destroying your your own life quite consciously, you would have understood that after a point, life becomes so miserable and unbearably toxic that no amount of aloneness can save you from feeling lonely in the end because loneliness is nothing but an undealt version of your solitary aloneness. 
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You feel lonely in that theatre, not because you miss her, you feel lonely because you know that you are going to miss her for the rest of your life. This pain, this grief of losing her...it will never go away. It will never stay in one place either. This pain...her absence will always make you restless and anxious and doubtful and lazy and suicidal and patient and toxic and loving and lost and....
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The credits are rolling and there is no post credits scene and yet you're still sitting with your empty coffee cup, waiting for something or... someone?
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Get up. Go home. It's too late...